Thanks to Leandra Medine, Man Repeller's podcast, Monocycle I have the right word to describe what happened to me Thursday at approximately 2:20P.M.
The morning started off well. I woke up at 5:30 went on a run, showered, got ready for work, wrote and article, then met my friends for coffee before heading to work at 8:30 am.
But, I recently had a private session with burnout. The buildup was slow. It started with feeling extra sensitive to things that shouldn't make me flinch. Feeling extra disappointed in myself. Like I wasn't doing enough. That then manifested into an overwhelming feeling of all the feelings. I cancelled all my plans that I was looking forward to and walked the city aimlessly. I cried under my glasses and prayed the breath of the city could breath life back into my hopeless soul.
How could I fall so fast with the cause being ... Nothing. ? It was burnout. Now what burnout means to you may be different, but in my case, I adore what I do. I live breath eat my passion: architecture, urbanity, people, and movement. They drive my day and they never leave me. They keep me moving CONSTANTLY - it's what I think about when I think about nothing. When you are so invested in something with no break, you are begging for burnout.
This recent case came just as the Fourth of July weekend rolled out, so I'm lucky. As I sit on the train watching the city shrink off to my "relaxing" time I get nervous. What will I do? Am I capable of relaxation? I need it, but can I do it? Will I be relaxed or stressing out about being relaxed?